Why Do You Practice Yoga?
My teacher Tim Feldmann asked this question during a recent week-long virtual retreat. I always thought I knew why, but when he asked this question, for some reason I felt the need to explore it further. Is it just to feel good? Is it because it’s fun? Is there a physical goal associated with it? Or is there a deeper reason, beyond any physical sensations or attainments, which keeps me coming back to my mat every day?
I think most of us agree that Yoga makes us feel better physically and mentally. This is the reason most people come to the practice in the first place, or at least why I did. By moving our body, we relieve stiffness, tension, and tightness in our muscles and joints, and we create endorphins which make us feel happier. I’ve always enjoyed movement. I started dancing when I was 3 years old, and continued up until about 3 years ago. I took my first yoga class when I was 16, and was instantly hooked. It was a type of exercise that allowed for creativity and expression through movement, similar to dancing. Unlike my rigid ballet classes, yoga was not about what the poses looked like, or about competing with anyone else in the class. You didn’t need to be super skinny to be good at yoga- all body types could enjoy it and excel at it. Yoga for me, from the beginning, was always about joy of movement, finding contentment with myself, and leaving each class feeling better physically and mentally.
Earlier this week, I had no desire at all to practice. I was feeling upset that my online class sizes were shrinking, started to feel like a failure, and questioned whether I should even be teaching. The feeling of unworthiness consumed my entire being.
Luckily, I was participating in a week-long retreat with my teacher Kino MacGregor, so I had no choice but to get on my mat at 10am every day. That gloomy morning, as soon as I lifted my arms for the first sun salutation, I remembered my purpose- to practice. My insecurities instantly melted away. I was here to keep practicing, keep learning, and keep growing every day. To do so, I had to be fully present and let go of the negative thoughts I had earlier. For the next 1.5 hours I felt capable, strong, and determined. I had to stay fully focused on what I was doing so I wouldn’t fall. And then, for the first time ever, I was able to hold a forearm balance for almost 10 seconds- something that seemed impossible only a week ago.
This is why I practice. Especially on bad days when I’m feeling down, depressed, or upset, my yoga practice brings me back to myself. By being mindful of my every movement, thought, and breath, there’s simply no place for my negative emotions or disturbing feelings. My mat is a sacred space, a healing space, where I learn to stay the course no matter what. And through these lessons, learning to fall, fail, and try again, I know eventually I will be able to fly- both in a forearm balance on my mat, and through everything in my life.
Why do you practice?
